i hope you get used to the silence

a couple of drunken
missed calls and a voicemail
later you’ve got me
in your clutches again;
you took away time
that i’ll never get back,
and now you’re blaming
me for being alone,
void of companionship
and affection.

i wish that someone
had told me that
it’s not a sin to
discard people
who wreak havoc
and play with your
life as if it’s their’s
to own and abuse.

i hear your voice
and drunken state
and i know it’s twisted –
i know my emotions
are being manipulated,
i know i’m not at
blame,
i know you’re the
villain in our story
but i can’t help
feel at fault.

you make me
out to be a thief
that stole your happiness
and everything that was going
good for you
but it’s ironic,
you didn’t care
when you stole my
childhood from me.

you stole a little
girl’s personality;
you ruined the
beauty that can be
found in trust,
you corrupted
everything and
walked her,
so young, to the edge
and left her there
struggling to
exist.

you ruined both
me and you,
yet you’re the one
who lost everything.

i can’t say i miss
you,
all i know is
i want to escape
feeling responsible
for your demise,
your every move;
it’s not my job
to keep you alive,
gone are the days
where i absorb the
hurt
to allow someone
like you to feel
orientated.

i hope you get
used to the silence
and i hope one day
it gets a lot easier
to be reminded of
You.

i can’t heal
with your presence.
i wish you’d finally
step up and do the
first and last favour
for me out of the
kindness of your heart
and let me go –
i wish you’d meant it
when you said you’d wait
for me, even if it means
i’d never return…

dedicated to all the kids that grew up with a shitty parental figure of some sort…i’m sorry you had to go through that. it does get better gradually, once you stop trying to rationalise shit. you can’t heal in the environment of your hurt is the only pro tip i got for you and i guess, don’t let the bitterness drown you.