i am not the sinner

i am not the sinner
yet i am made
to feel as if
even baptism
won’t cleanse my
tainted
soul
or save me
from hell.

i do not pray
to the gods
for i do not
seek
redemption
from the crimes of
others;
neither do i
banish the demons
that seem to live
within me
because
without them
i am nothing.

i am
used to being
written off
with an irrecoverable
debt
of despair
and anguish,
i seek comfort
from
the void inside
that is fuelled
on the acceptance
that i cannot
be accepted
with the heart
i possess.

i do not
wish to
wrench
my heart out
and watch myself
bleed
as i manipulate myself
into someone
i’m told i should
aspire to
be;
i rather
give what i have to
offer
and die
inside
when i am
categorised
not worthy
enough
for my love
to be accepted.

i am
constantly
chasing
after acceptance
and love
and respect
from figures in
life
that are supposed to
bless you with
unconditional love;
instead i am
cursed
with this ache
that runs through
my bones
and stifles every
breath
as i fail
to secure
that love.

i am not the sinner
yet it seems
the ones who ought
to be in shackles
have been freed
from heartache
and instead
i have been
gifted
with knowing
what it is like
to feel hollow
yet feel your heart
thud
thud
away
with life.

i am not the sinner
yet here i am
sentenced to
a life
of character
assassination;
i will not
plead my case,
rather i hope
one day
i can give
my heart
and be accepted
on the merits
of my
soul.

till then
i am not the sinner
but the
collateral damage
left over
from another
lifetime
i am
trying
to

escape

but
failing
to.

 

One thought on “i am not the sinner

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