thought explosions

sometimes i think too much. and sometimes i don’t.

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Introducing Me, Myself and I |

19 | girl | call me Kiya if you will |

dangerously in love with the beauty found within all things creative |

i write, draw, am allergic to being photographed but loves being behind the camera, makes a habit of getting heartbroken by fictional worlds, and practices virtual ghosting every now and then ||

pssst . . . the beautiful profile picture is all thanks to the wonderful Kate from allthetrinkets

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Recent Ramblings

lost forever July 12, 2019
dear diary June 21, 2019
my love, it seems June 3, 2019
it is what it is June 2, 2019

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and i wonder why, wonder what for, it's like we keep coming back for more ~ scared to be lonely

hmmm

you shoot me down, but i won't fall ~

she's never felt freer than in the aftermath of killing her old self. she found purity and clarity in the decluttering and removal of rusty associations. her brain is circuited to fending for herself because life taught her even the purest of people can shatter your heart into infinite fragments. everything she yearns for balances on the temporal side of the scale, and she no longer has it within her to give her all and be taken for granted. the inner bitch has clawed its way through layers of selfless love, but she's arrived. it's a new kind of vibe but she's revelling in it. there's no turning back now. the girl you used to know is dead. and you're stuck on the other side staring into her eyes which look the same, and trying to read her face which smiles back, but oh her heart won't thaw and give into you. you've lost your power. you no longer hold the keys to reach into her soul. there's no resurrecting her now. because why would she run back to a past that held her happiness and essence captive?

little do you know...

let your travels fulfil your deepest dreams and quench your desires and heal your heartbreaks over what never was. don't stop travelling until all your one days are complete. don't stop walking until your feet have traced the footsteps you wanted to take. don't stop leaving your house until you've said goodbye to every person you wanted to with no wish to say hello again. travel till your mind is content you've felt all your heart has ever yearned for. navigate through the alleys of pain and streets of experience and meadows of love. travel till youve felt joy and sorrow and injustices and hope and sadness and serenity. one day we'll be here and the next we won't. time can't be tamed nor controlled so make the most of life and give your all to the memories that will kill you if you woke up one to day to discover your one day had an early death.

you chose to leave right? because you ran out of fuel and could no longer keep topping up the tank that fed your drive to love for better and for worse. i just so happened to consume too much of your fuel and drain your system of all life. memories that once ignited sparks had long begun to rust away yet i was oblivious and only when i struck a match to the gasoline did it explode and burn my heart to smithereens. i let you run away down the path to happiness and freedom. yet why are you still lingering in the shadows? not saying hello but not fading from existence either. the signpost reads no returns for the road has been worn out far too many times yet you still wait. my world speeds ahead at 80mph whilst you stand there unaware. the headlights aren't strong enough to detect your thoughts, and the gearbox is still in reverse. so tell me bby, why are you at my doorstep with an empty tank and punctured tyres? can you not see the lights are off at this house, and the blinds are shut? that hope, reconciliation, and selfless love have upped and relocated to the address of RIP to us.

you can read the entire poem using the link in my bio - would love to hear your thoughts

with every word you gift to me, you encourage the petals to blossom and withstand the volatile seasons of life. the support you smother me with shades in the parts of me that are missing, drained away by the bad vibes i failed to guard myself from. you bring colour into my soul's existence. i stand taller knowing people like you exist within my world. not a believer of religion but this is the closest i'll get to talking about blessings. some have taken my heart for safekeeping and nourish it well whilst i figure out where the jigsaw pieces i need are hidden. others have extracted a part of who i am by delving into my content and showering it with love and warmth. and others hide in the shadows and observe me from afar and provide the invisible cloak of support no one else can see. this one's dedicated to a few special ones 💖 inspired by a certain rambler ✨ you know who you are¡!

adjusting one's viewfinder to find the future they wanted. sometimes dreams explode and we need to see the end goal from a different perspective. light can still spill into our lives as long as we don't throw the lens away and sign our future off as game over.

keep swiping ✨ this piece is rusty like the parts of me that sometimes stop working properly after a few tears. it also washes away the bad vibes and takes me far far away to a place where me and tranquility are best friends ~

you were the light in the dark that guided me. but then you blew the flame out and left me to be suffocated by the darkness. but alas, i learned the hard way. i didn't need you to create the spark that set my soul on fire once again. i was perfectly okay at being consumed by the love i have for you, whilst also living a separate life, away, from you.

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