you did the same to me

you chose to
kill your family ties
with the drinking.

you swapped the
bedtime stories
for late night score
settlings
and exchanged family
chatter at the dinner table
for radio silence;
you raised a
fist in your family
home
and discarded
your flesh and blood –
the ones you vowed
to love, cherish and protect
to the ugliness
that erupted
from the affair
you held
with alcohol.

the bottles
seduced you –
kept you captive
with the way it
made you feel
and entranced you with
the rush it
gave.

distaste and discord
pile up
but remain untouched
because it’s not
to be downed with
beer, whisky and rum;
your kids go
to sleep
with your drunken
anger as a lullaby,
your wife
throws her life
under the bus
to pacify you
and we become
strangers competing
for your affection,
attention
and time.

and then
you have the
audacity!

you mourn
how we seem to
be living in
parallel worlds
and wonder
how deep
you’ll need to dig
to uncover the
love
but the thing is
Pa,
you sacrificed
your family
to the demons
unleashed by
your alcoholism
and those demons
taught me
how to be ruthless
and that’s why
Pa
i don’t feel
a thing
when you weep
for our
lost days.

You taught
me how to
live without you.
You taught
me how to
live with the abyss
that yearns for
a father figure.
You taught
me how to
coexist with the
excruciating
pain inside myself
and how to
belong in this world
despite being
so unwanted by
You.

You taught
me how to
be heartless –
You taught
me so much
about hurting
and killing
parts of people;
that’s how i
can look you
in the eyes
and not feel
a thing Pa
when you
feel so
discarded.

because once
upon a time
you did the same
to me
Pa.

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