he said i was perfect

he said i was
perfect
yet let
his eyes wander
to girls
with more curves
and prettier faces
and educate me
on what sexy is
and told me
not to worry –
god has given
us science,
and there’s nothing
surgery can’t fix;
of course –
that’s if you’re unhappy
darling, with your body,
he’d say.
he’d whisper
i love you
just as you are
but my oh my,
take a look at
how sexy that girl
over there looks
but don’t worry
you’re perfect to me
but perhaps a
tattoo here
or a piercing
there
whilst you wear
this and that
could look
sexy baby –
what do you
think?

he’d say
with the sweetest
smile how
baby
no one
can make him
feel the way i do
yet it’s not
me you want to spend
the days with
nor my voice
you’re longing to
hear
or my face
that brightens your
day
or my soul
you yearn to
learn about;
instead i was
competing against
your friends
competing against
your needs
competing against
your desires
competing against
your addiction
to everything
else but
me.

you roamed the
streets full
of life
with them and
daydreamed of exploring
paper towns with
me;
you hugged the ones
you missed
whilst i sat patiently
waiting for the
day you’d pick up the
phone and call me
because i don’t know?
perhaps you’d miss me
and wanted to
converse with me.

i held your hands
in mine as you
took comfort
in my listening ears
and open mind;
you played with
my hair
and reassured me
you got me
but i could never find
solace in you,
nor show you my
tears
because i wasn’t
one to beg
for your time
when you were
too busy
ignoring my
presence
in your life
as your
supposedly
other half.

i hugged you
tight and told
you it’s you
i want
but as the months
went by i came to
realise who i
wanted was someone
who wasn’t like
you
yet i couldn’t
leave you
because the kind of
loyalty coursing
through my veins
couldn’t bear to
abandon you.

instead i
gave you
all my time
and graced you
with my goodwill
and sacrificed
the hurt that was tearing
me apart for the
carefree smile
i wanted to remain
on your face
and put to bed
all the red flags
that were poisoning
me from
within.

you were so
anti me
yet you were
so into me;
and i was
so for you
and so anti me
too
that i shrunk
myself to
fit into
your world.

and i guess
that remedy
worked for a while
until everything
in me
snapped;
i was tired
of being a shadow,
tired of being
deprived of love,
tired of
being stuck
in a relationship
where i felt
like a stranger,
tired of being
made to feel
like i was obliged
to fulfil all
your needs with
no questions
or feelings
hurt,
tired of doubting
myself
and lowering
my self-esteem
and putting myself
down
in order for you to
thrive,
tired of being
made to feel a
fool
for loving
someone
who didn’t seem
to give two shits
about me
yet wanted to
marry me
and parade me around
like i was
the girl of his
Dreams
which i was
not.

in the
end
we both lost.

you lost
your sanity
(and probably
much more
that you never
took the time
to convey across)
and i lost
my identity
and it
was during
that moment
of realisation
did we find it
within ourselves
to part ways
without grace
or closure
but with shards
of glass piercing
our hearts.

last poem ||hostage

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3 thoughts on “he said i was perfect

  1. Chloe Lauren says:

    How is it you always know the best way to touch my heart with your words. Damn girl. I love this. So real and true for many. The doubts in relationships and starting to notice the signs the further in you get. I know for definite. It can truly destroy you mental state but there is always better on the horizon.

    Liked by 1 person

    • flawed_silence says:

      you know it really moves me when you say things like that! thank you for always being here and providing me with feedback and sharing your honest opinions with me. really appreciate it!

      yes, being able to notice red flags and not be so forgiving or loving and take time to analyse them and consider your wellbeing is so important. if left untouched, it can really destroy a person.

      Like

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