hi all x
so today’s post is a little bit out of my comfort zone. it gives you more of an insight into my character, and hopefully leaves you feeling a little more connected to me. i’d like to say a massive THANK YOU to all of you who sent me questions to make this post possible aha! i really enjoyed the variety of questions and had fun answering them. if you do have any more questions, feel free to leave them in the comments and we can do a part two sometime! i’d love to hear your responses and thoughts on the questions asked too – so lets get chatting in the comments!
Do you have more inspiration to write when you are happy/sad or in-between?
my creative inspiration to write arises from a beautifully haunting and exciting place of hurt and brokenness. i say exciting because it’s hope and despair fused together; a coexistence of polar opposite concepts, and the only time the realms of the past, present and future merge together. writing is my tool of self-expression – a time where words are strung together so carefree. a place that is ungoverned unlike the real world i live in. and that’s why i am inspired to write when my mind is sad. it is all well and great to be appreciative of all the goodness in the world, but there is a lot of sadness. a lot of unjust sadness in the world. a lot of hidden sadness. and that is why i think sadness must be talked about, shared around, challenged and soothed.
else it consumes the world, and then we only get sadder as a nation. we can only be happier if the roots of sadness are tackled and comfort provided. it’s okay to be sad. but it’s not okay to swap a sad smile for a plastered smile just because the world tells you: “aspire to be happy.” cause damn it, it’s not like we want to be sad and hurting. right?
Where do you see yourself in 5 years time (emotionally + physically)?
honestly, i have no fricking clue is the honest answer. i like to give myself a timeline for certain academic goals and personal growth shenanigans. but as of late, it’s like that timeline has disappeared into a warp and all i’m doing is trying my best to move forward without having a clue what direction i should be heading in. but hey, at least i’m not standing still in one place right?
in five years, i’ll be 25. i hope to have sat all my ACCA papers, done the experience required and qualified as an accountant. have a driving license. and have a better grip/understanding of my mental wellbeing and the thought processes wired into me. and be content and happy with who i am, and be able to spend time and create lit memories with my loved ones.
Do you have a specific place that you write or can it happen anywhere?
always in my room. alone.
sometimes when i’m out and about things pop into my head. and i sort of “save” in it in mind till i get a chance to go home and write it down.
If you had to go on a date with a book character, who would you want to go with?
skulduggery pleasant. he’s a badass character from a series written by derek landy that i was OBSESSED with as a child. just a heads up, skulduggery is a skeleton but come on, his character, personality, wit – everything is just so wow! it’d be a hell of an interesting date; very memorable too! plus i have so many questions to ask him about his adventures. and he can teach me badass magic! and take me to alternative worlds. and teach me cool stunts.
Go to drink?
i just about drink enough water to stay alive. besides that i love lemon/lime/orange kinda drinks. the only kinda fizzy i drink on the rare occassion is fanta and lucozade. oh and ginger beer! on a day to day basis, it’s water.
What is your style like? What aesthetic would you say it is?
oof, what a question. hmm i guess lowkey. i like to be a ghost and kinda blend into the surroundings. i love dark colours and comfy clothes. my go to would be hoodies and knitted sweater tops and jumpers with cool prints like skulls or something. and flannel shirts! i love them. i steal them from my bro. but to be honest, i have no idea what my style/aesthetic is.
Have you ever visited another country and/or do you ever want to?
i’ve spent like maybe 18 hours in amsterdam for an art trip when i was 15. i didn’t get to see much of the place aside from musuems, and a few streets. the plane flight was terrifying.
there are four places i really want to visit: eelam, tamil nadu, croatia and france. eelam and tamil nadu cause that’s where my roots are. croatia and france cause that’s where i have amazing (pen) friends that mean the world to me ❤
Favorite color and why?
black but apparently it’s a shade. so it’s gonna have to be blue because i find it soothing as it reminds me of the sea and the sky. both which i associate to feelings of serenity.
Do you get inspiration from other poets? What do you get from them, the style, topics…?
honestly, a lot of it comes out of my head. i never sit down and think i’m going to mirror this poet or try this style. it’s more of a feeling and then i just let the words flow and see what comes out. on the occasions i have intentionally experimented or been influenced and inspired by someone else, i always give them a mention. i don’t really think i have a style; if so, it’s very generic and basic haha. my themes are issues that are close to my heart – something i’ve either experienced or observed. i guess my writings are inspired by life.
a lot of poets inspire me with the effect their words leave behind. i find it amazing how they craft their art in a way that it evokes positive change in one’s mindset or behaviour pattern. i aspire to one day, to also make people pause and reflect, and be able to take away a deep meaning from my writings, and implement it within their life.
some poets/writers i look up to:
yellowcoffins (insta id)
Girrrrl, how do you stay positive?
i overthink and worry and panic. and then i write it all out and go through it methodically and plan out what i can do if the worst happens. and if i can’t handle the list alone, i hit up my bestie and we tackle it together. after this process, i have the reassurance that i am prepared for the positive and the negative outcome. and all i got to do is roll with it and see where life takes me.
How’s your photography going?
lockdown has meant i haven’t been snapping as much, but i do go in the garden and snap away. i’ve stopped posting photographs publicly on insta and kind of have it as a private project. a little hobby to keep close to me. and share with a few. i think when i was trying to maintain a feed, it killed the joy and contentedness i felt with my snaps. i’m no photographer but i enjoyed what i did as a wannabe photographer. but the moment i began obsessing with aesthetics and themes and colour coordination – all shenanigans i don’t really care for or have the eye for, the love i had for walking around and capturing moments literally died. and that is why, my good friend, i have decided to abandon having any kind of photography feed.
Do you have a driving license?
nope. i passed my theory though. have to start the practical lessons though. sometime…
How do you not feel lonely?
i immerse myself in hobbies such as writing, music, reading, watching ish that interests me, studying, volunteering, spending time with good friends.
i also learned to stop surrounding myself with people who made me feel lonely. what is the point of keeping “friends” who make you feel isolated and alone in your struggles and accomplishments. if they make you feel lonely, it just goes to show that they haven’t got your back.
learning that lesson taught me how it is important to realise your value and be content in your own company. and that can only come with loving yourself despite your flaws and all the bs your mind taunts you with.
the last lesson is one i’m still learning.
What is something you used to feel negatively about but you now believe wholeheartedly?
i used to burn myself out helping and caring for others. i used to hate the thought of abandoning people or giving up on someone. i used to stay and hold onto friendships and let people back into my life numerous times despite the fact i was breaking. because i cared, and didn’t believe in letting people go when they need you. but then i came to the understanding that you can’t help everyone. no matter how much you love them and adore them and want the best for them, if they don’t want to take your support, there is nothing you can do about it. it pains me to accept that fact, but i’ve come to learn you can only help the ones who want helping. and that it is not my sole responsibility to keep someone afloat, or tend to their wounds on my own. i used to feel negatively about taking a step back and putting my well-being first before someone else, and i still do, but it’s something i believe in and urge others to do so too. it’s okay to look after yourself first sometimes.
What is your favourite travel destination?
anywhere by the sea
anywhere alone with nature – in the woods, meadows, hills
anywhere my loved ones are
so that’s a wrap for today’s post. you can read my last poem we don’t talk anymore here. and if you’re interested in a collab series regarding education that i’m kicking starting on my blog, you can read the first post here.