and suddenly

warning: this post can be triggering so please don’t read if you feel it may affect you. please put your well being first x the post today covers the theme of PTSD.

and suddenly
all at once
i found myself struggling
to function
as i felt everything
with such a raw intensity
all at once
it crippled
me.

what’s it like
to be in control
of your mind?
the answer to that
i fear i’ll
never know
for it’s a constant
battle between
keeping the flashbacks
at bay
and stifling
dark memories into
submission.

i try
to emotionally numb
the pain away during the day
and stay up too late
and tire myself out
with endless goals, and things
so that i can get drunk on exhaustion
and can successfully steal a night’s sleep
away from nightmares that
taunt me with the
never ending revival
of memories i want to
shelve away.

i often get visitors
who turn up
uninvited;
the sudden churning of the
stomach, or the tingling sensation
that accompanies a rapid
heartbeat that detects
danger in a supposedly
safe place.
the sweating, the shakiness,
the tightening of the chest;
the feeling like i’ve forgotten
how to breathe
and the feeling detached
from the world
and wondering if you’re
trapped in a dream,
trying not to succumb
to dizziness or
the constant feeling on
edge and bombardment of
emotions one can’t displace
when everything turns
to shit and you feel like
a puppet in the hands
of the puppet master
who goes by the name of PTSD
in this instance.

hi all x

so i’ve decided to write another mental health orientated post today. today’s topic is PTSD which stands for post traumatic stress disorder.

PTSD may develop after encountering a distressing event or a prolonged period of a traumatic experience. such examples of events that can lead to it are: war, abuse, loss, serious accidents, assaults, violent crime ect.

the severity of it can also depend on whether the trauma was experienced during one’s childhood, if it was inflicted by a parent/carer/loved one, the duration of the trauma, if one was alone during it and whether contact is still present with the person who inflicted the trauma. 

1 in 3 people who experience this tend to go onto develop some form of PTSD.

common symptoms:

  • flashbacks, nightmares, emotional flashbacks
  • trembling, feeling nausea, chest pains, dizziness
  • self destructive behaviour
  • difficulty with sleep
  • emotionally numbing memories/emotions out
  • symptoms of anxiety
  • symptoms of depression
  • difficulty controlling emotions
  • feeling suicidal
  • experiencing dissociative symptoms

what is dissociation?

it’s when one feels disconnected or detached from the world or yourself. 

i hope this post has been somewhat informative and eye opening for you all. you can read more mental health related posts over here.

please, look out for one another, and if you are worried about someone, please reach out to them. support them and guide them towards people who can help them. and if you’re not in a position to intervene, make someone who can assist aware.

and if you ever find yourself alone feeling unable to reach out to anyone, here’s a few places you can go to for support in the form of online chats with counsellors:

https://www.childline.org.uk/get-support/1-2-1-counsellor-chat/
https://www.themix.org.uk/get-support/speak-to-our-team
https://www.kooth.com/index.html

if you do want to talk about anything i’ve discussed in this post, please feel free to reach out in the comments, or via my contact page.

kiya x

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5 thoughts on “and suddenly

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