i was a fool

i was a fool
for letting myself believe,
letting myself
feel
that warm embrace of love
but that’s all it ever was –
an embrace
that would slowly
loose its touch.

i began to get wrapped
tighter in its hands,
began to believe
that maybe i was wrong about me,
maybe you’ll help me
prove me wrong to me;
for you to breathe
cold air
all over my hopes
and freeze
my dreams
in a warped reality
as i slowly felt your
actions no longer align to your
words.

i take the blame
for trusting that feeling
i had with you
and wanting
to have you in my life
even when it meant
i had to try make myself at home within
new boundaries
all too soon
but i was okay with that
because i
truly
loved you,
still do,
but even love
isn’t strong enough for us –
strong enough
for me to keep you
when i’m not what
you’re looking for,
what you’re pining for,
my only question for you
is
why did you lie to
yourself
let alone
let me believe
your patience would
remain patient;
you should have left
when you knew –
you know
i left that door open for you
all the time
never tried to close it
despite the
pain it gave me
i never tried to chain you to me
if you didn’t want to stay
i don’t know why you did it
but you did
i tried
but i’ll never be
who you need me to be
who you want me to be
who i need to be
for you to want me
for you to stay
because i’m me
and me doesn’t live up to the expectations of
you

so i’m sorry
it had to end like
this;
i’m sorry
i finally made you
see
that it’s time for you
to leave.
i’m sorry that
i had to let you go –
you can fly off now,
the sky is yours
but just know it hurts.

a hell of a
lot.