lone wolf

The phone
Lies abandoned
And when
Her eye casts
Over it she doesn’t
Expect
To see the seductive
Flashing of notifications
To be read.

She stays offline
Aeroplane mode
Pattering keyboard fingers dead
Vibrating buzzes of messages silent
The flickering light of notifications resting
Voice calls sleeping
Network disconnected´
The person you are trying to call is unavailable
Welcome to three voicemail
Last seen 27/10/15´
Unresponsive
Uncaring
No longer fearful of
Shoving people through the
Invisible door
Wiping their feet on the rustic mat
Little do they know
That they’re waving their
Final farewells
To her
As she sits there alone in her thoughts
Unwinding
Unpacking
Filtering through memories
That glitch in her mind now
Every time the code
That established the bond
Between her and them
Falters at a syntax error
Sorry, the reciprocated care
Function cannot be found
Within your friendships.

She hits esc.
She doesn’t care to look deeper –
She rather be a lone wolf
Than be surrounded by
People
Who make her
Feel so
ALONE.

A/N sometimes it’s good to re-evaluate the company you surround yourself with, and decide whether you’re trying to survive in a toxic environment. sometimes we hold onto memories or try to revive friendships or not let go of things that have long expired, and in doing so we hurt ourselves. we keep hoping, maybe this time we talk to them, it’ll be different, or perhaps next time, things will be how they used to be. or perhaps we want to believe there’s still some sincerity behind the words uttered long ago. but sometimes, people change, circumstances change, and what used to be can no longer be. and that’s okay. it’s okay to stop chasing after people who can’t see you when you’re right in-front of them.

“i’m trying to water a dead plant because i see life in places it doesn’t exist”

^ that used to be me. and still is in some ways as i have a hard time walking away/creating distant from people i care about. but i’ve learned and grown a lot. and i can say i’m in a much happier place in comparison to when i was surrounded and consumed by “friends” who weren’t really my friends.

what’s your thoughts?

2 thoughts on “lone wolf

  1. Kate says:

    This resonates to me a lot. When I look back at the past year, a lot has happened in my life but at the same time, not a lot has happened in my *social* life. I spent huge chunks of 2019 distancing people — physically and emotionally — simply because I felt I lack the energy to interact with people. This year, one of my goals is to reach out to old friends and try to reconnect 💙 (you, included Kiya, omgaksdnsksksksksskskdks 😭😭) But I do have other people, some old and some relatively new, whom I’ve kept my distance from and that I’ll continue doing so, just for the sake of my daily mental wellbeing. Such a great poem! 💕

    Liked by 1 person

    • flawed_silence says:

      it’s really warming to read that the thoughts and emotions i was feeling/thinking on when writing the poem can be felt by others too. i can fully relate to the sentiment you’re describing; i also spent the past year or so distancing/drifting from people, but more so for the reason being tight with them made me feel jdjsdjkash cause reoccurring issues. i’m already quite reserved and antisocial to begin with :/ and yes, my inbox is always ready to welcome you kate ❤ miss our bookish fangirling moments! (and not like we got a million secret projects to work on some day) i hope this year treats you better, and wish you all the best with reconnecting to old friends and making new connections with lovely people. thank you for leaving such a sweet heart melting comment behind!! i am a puddle now 😛 made my day

      Liked by 1 person

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