because sometimes i get lonely

a thousand faces
walking by
may smile at
me
yet i feel no connection
to those souls;
i feel as if
i’m an outsider
to my own
life,
sitting here
trying to find
comfort in
make believe worlds
and
trying to let
the music
fool
me into thinking
i’m surrounded by
life.

the news
doesn’t make me
feel included in
society;
routine makes
me feel as if
i’m just another
puppet
in the grand finale show
also known as
life.

wake up,
do your thing,
smile, appreciate,
don’t give up
they say;
aren’t we so
lucky
to have
the gift of
social media
to stay connected
but the void is still
there
isn’t it?

photos freeze
memories
that i look back
wistfully upon
and the streets
i roam
hold footsteps
that can’t be traced
and that message
i reread
doesn’t replicate
the warmth
i felt back then
and those email
drafts that aren’t
ever going to be
sent
won’t fix anything
and future
plans i meticulously
dream up
refuse to set off sparks of
excitement.

it’s like
you’re there
but you’re

not.

it’s like
you see colour
but not all the shades
or like reading a book
without understanding the words.
it’s like
you’re living life
and surrounded
by the best
but you’re not
because you
feel so

d

e

t

a

c

h

e

d

from it all

because sometimes
you get lonely
even if you’re
surrounded
by your dreams,
and loved ones,
and exciting memories,
and things that should
make you
thrive.

but sometimes
it be like that.

you get lonely
and ache to fill
that void
that the things
that should keep
you content
are struggling
to fend off.

and that’s okay
it really is.

just know
the loneliness
doesn’t stretch on
forever and ever and ever;
just know you’ll
grow to love your company
and rediscover
how to feel present
in reality
and not want
to run away from the
white noise
of life
and learn how
to revel in the
empty stretch
of thought space
in your mind
and that
you’ll have a
moment
one day
where you realise
the loneliness
doesn’t exist
anymore.

because sometimes
i get lonely
and that’s okay to
admit.

Hey!

So it’s very rare for me to add a little ramble after writing a poem, but today I wanted to. I’ve had this idea of writing about the topic of loneliness for a while; it was quite hard to do because I had no idea how to frame it all. And then this happened…

I just wanted to talk about loneliness because it’s such a common emotion to be experienced by us all. And loneliness can be found at any stages of life, and maybe encountered more than once. There’s many reasons to feel lonely and it’s not something that we should run away from, or feel small over admitting.

Recently a charity that focuses on supporting the elderly caught my attention. They were appealing to anyone to pick up a paper and pen some thoughts to an elderly member of society so that they felt loved and not so alone at Christmas. Unfortunately I saw this appeal online after the deadline to submit had passed, but it’s something I’m going to participate in next year! Anyways, I’m bringing this little anecdote in because I wanted to talk about possible ways to not entirely alienate the loneliness, but perhaps not let it take over and become something so toxic in your mind.

But first, perhaps, I should share my experiences with loneliness?

I tend to be hit by loneliness every now and then. Sometimes it’s because my mind has wandered to nostalgic memories I’ve had to abruptly say goodbye to, and the sudden acknowledgement of how times have changed, and life has transitioned, and the people I’m no longer around but wish I was, take my breath away and some sort of loneliness tinged with sadness descends on me. Other times, I may be facing challenges in my life and feel unable to talk about it with someone, which in turn makes me feel extremely isolated. Other times, I may feel like my hands are tied with a million things to do, and my mind is far from idle mode, yet I feel so detached from everything. I may be interacting socially but I feel so disconnected and like an outcast. And sometimes, I revel in my own company because I like going for walks, or playing the piano or drawing; it gives me time to think and clear my head out.

It’s important to try combat your loneliness/isolation before it spirals into something horrible. And it’s important to try understand the roots of it.

There’s different types of loneliness:

  • Psychological

This is where you may have encountered certain traumas or personal challenges that you feel unable to talk, or open up to people about. As a result, you feel alone in your memories, thoughts, emotions and challenges that you are trying to overcome.

  • Interpersonal

You may have just experienced losing someone important to you, or the end of a great friendship/relationship. This person may have occupied a huge aspect of your daily routine and it’s hard to adjust to the emptiness, and coming to terms with not being able to share your life with them.

  • Intellectual

I don’t know if I agree with the word “intellectual” being used to categorise this type of loneliness. This arises when you feel as if you’re a misfit within the people you spend most your time with. You feel unable to discuss the things that make you tick, or matter to you, or hold deep conversations. You feel unable to connect on a deeper level with anyone. You may be surrounded by a lot of people, but may feel no one understands you.

  • Cultural

Cultural differences can be found everywhere. It can arise when you swap to new schools, or changing careers – you don’t need to move to a whole new country to be hit with it. The term culture can be used to describe varying social norms, beliefs, customs and habits of different parts of society.

  • Existential

A time when you feel lost and incomplete, always in search of something but not knowing what. Perhaps human connection isn’t enough, and one is lacking some sense of spiritual connection to one’s self.

  • Social

Loneliness that develops from a lack of social interaction, and having real time company and memories.

  • Situational

Arising from a drastic change in circumstance such as losing someone, or having to relocate or starting a new job. Sometimes, your past may have put you in a situation where it’s hard to not be discriminated against (’cause sadly we don’t live in a world where we all have good hearts) or you may be in a phase of life where it’s difficult to create the opportunities for the interactions you need.

How can we combat loneliness:

  • talk to someone you trust! open up, share your thoughts, things on your mind.
  • journal about your thoughts, or list it out somewhere
  • have meaningful social interactions. try to engage with the people that matter to you, as well as the things that matter to you. don’t rely on the internet all the time to keep connections going; sometimes real time interactions with people make all the difference. it brings something to the table that the virtual presence of someone can’t
  • don’t underestimate the joy you can find in your own company. commit yourself to hobbies that keep you content.
  • spend less time on social media envying or longing to trade life experiences
  • practice self-care: eat, hydrate, sleep, stay active
  • don’t be scared to make new connections
  • consider therapy if your loneliness arises from internal thoughts. for example, CBT can help retrain your mindset

I hope this post somewhat taught you something new or helped broaden your understanding of loneliness. My email is always open to you all so feel free to write to me.

What are your thoughts on loneliness, and how do you tackle it? Leave your wisdom in the comments!

Kiya x

5 thoughts on “because sometimes i get lonely

Leave a Reply to flawed_silence Cancel reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s