it is what it is

he’s there,
but at the same time
he’s not.

he taunts me
with his presence
i cannot touch
yet still makes
me wish for the
impossible
when my mind
knows
i’m holding
a dead rose
which no one
wants to water
but i cannot
bring myself to
bury the past
yet.

i see your
face
but it doesn’t smile
at me the same way
it used to;
i hear your voice
but it doesn’t
want to speak to me
like it used to do;
your messages
don’t want to know me
like they used to;
the silence
no longer rings
with the love
i thought we
had.

and that’s
okay
but at the same time it’s
not
because i don’t understand
the changes
don’t understand
how
it all happened

can’t
process
how something so
untouchably pure –
something
i’d thought we’d
set our hearts
on being a
forever
no returns
or running away
from
suddenly
became something you
needed
to escape
from.

how the things
i thought
you loved me for
and wanted
and needed
and waited
and fought for
suddenly became
meh
it’s whatever

perhaps,
you fell in love with the
best
of us
and slowly
came to realise
the worst in us
wasn’t something
you wanted to
weather through
and that’s okay
each to their
own.

i try to
console myself
and find
comfort
in the good times
and the memories
that will never leave
me
but it’s hard
when deep down
i know
that’s something
you’ll never want to
come back to.

another day
passes
and i go to
sleep
hoping perhaps
the next
my heart will sync up
to what reality
gives me
but deep down
i’m scared
it’s always
going to be
you.

but
as long as you’re
happier,
it’s okay

it is what it is.

 

 

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