an ugly mask

it lives inside
me
and eats away
at my soul
yet i refuse to
feed it and instead
douse it in hope –
that
one day
things will be
different.

i struggle
to breathe
without tasting
bitterness
and it takes
a lot of
rewiring
to replace
that anguish with
dreams
patched up with
stitches
of broken hope
and
misplaced love
and
lost ambition.

it’s such an
ugly
mask to wear;
i try to
slip it off
and rip the
skin of resentment
away.

but alas,
it’s always
there.

it finds
a way to
manifest
as you
celebrate the
happiness of others,
and yes –
you’re truly
happy
for them –
ecstatic even.

yet
your heart sinks
and your mind
whispers
what am i doing
wrong
and
why aren’t i good
Enough.

 

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2 thoughts on “an ugly mask

  1. dacapoalpoetry says:

    “and it takes
    a lot of
    rewiring
    to replace
    that anguish with
    dreams”
    – This is so true for me. I’ve had countless of moments in which I had to fight hard not to let the pain and the disappointment win. I like the rhythm of this poem!

    Liked by 1 person

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