heart lies there – can you see it?

This poem is very confusing. It’s very all over the place. It can be sad to read. I don’t know sorry. It’s one of my more darker poems I guess. It’s got a lot of symbolism that makes sense to me in it; it might just seem like nonsense to you. There’s thoughts and emotions thrown in from loads of personas and experiences. There’s no chronology. Some lines don’t link well, it’s unedited, it most likely doesn’t make much sense at all.  It’s basically just an explosion of things. Just like this intro was.

heart lies there
 all  broken
it doesn’t want anyone to fix it
it’s not looking for time to heal it
it’s just there
like yours and mine.

just sometimes
don’t you – don’t you ever
stop

and think?

don’t you think a little too much
feel a little too much
so numb it a little too much
because it’s all a little too much
for one lost soul
with a hurting body
bruised mind
and a hand  ready to steady others
when they trip
even though digging your fingernails into your palms
isn’t enough to halt you
from
falling
Falling
FALLING.

but that’s life
isn’t it?

getting used to the feeling of
drowning amidst
a world that’s going down under

but is it though?

isn’t the problem
that we all
care
too little
about the first crack
that appears in our
porcelain smiles
whilst behind drawn curtains
we’re fighting monsters
with claws that engrave
venomous thoughts into our cheeks
with their slashes here
there
everywhere

i hurt
but they don’t see the blood
because they can’t see
how they wounded me
it’s not supposed to hurt
but don’t they see
i hurt
you hurt
he, she, we hurt
in different ways
to different things
it hurts even more
when you refuse to validate my pain
why won’t they stop?
why won’t they acknowledge it hurts
why do we keep tainting the wiped slate?

don’t we care
too little
when someone doesn’t
cry for help with their voices
or tears
but instead stands alone
trying to deflect all the blows
whilst the storm picks up around them
the tide lashes against their ankles
their knees
tugging
pulling
bringing them down
with the ferocious nature of waves
that know how to conquer your mind

because you know
some think
it’s okay
as long as I’m good
i don’t need to think about you
it’s justifiable
i don’t see your scars
i’ll take the double edged blade
and gently poke you with it
i hate to let it sink in
that people you know – knew — trusted
could be like that
more fool me then
it weighs you down
another way for them to anchor you down
to the shores of who knows where
where I clamber onto the rocks
just because I’m loosing skin
trying to hold on
doesn’t mean I cant strain
and hold on tight to you
we can fall together
that’s how it should be
shouldn’t it
cause I got you and you got me?

no
No
NO

i care too much
when I should care too little
care too little
when I should care more
and not give a fuck
when I start giving one too many
pennies  to a thought
because that seems the way to stay sane
because otherwise it all comes crashing down

tired of
feeling guilt for caring
for people holding weapons to my being
tired of
not knowing how to
be there in the way people need me
to hold their hands
when their hands shake too much
to light the match to show the light
tired of
the same old same old
cycle in my head
tired of
trying to feel your pain
and tracing your bruises
over mine
the ones I hide from you

 heart lies there
 all  broken
it doesn’t want anyone to fix it
it’s not looking for time to heal it
it wants to fix itself
single handily.

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16 thoughts on “heart lies there – can you see it?

    • flawed_silence says:

      *my heart melts rapidly* THANK YOU SO MUCH! Having someone as amazing as you (and coming from a professional book blogger like yourself) this MEANS so much to me and it helps build my confidence about my writing up. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOUUUU

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Pingback: Wrapping up August
  2. appreciatetheweeds says:

    You said it’s messy and a bit everywhere. It is. But I think it’s supposed to be like that, because when we’re feeling that way — it doesn’t really have any other name but “that” and “that way” and the like — everything is messy and our thoughts are cluttered and everywhere. –Julia

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ana Regina says:

    OH MY GOD this was amazing!!!! 😀 I loved the poem, it’s really deep and beautifu! ❤ I LUV how you repeat words in order to make it stand out!! 😀
    I also love the image in the end, it gives it a more dramatic touch!!!!
    Argh, this was amazing!!! 😀 ❤

    Liked by 1 person

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