everything is okay

Warning : negative emotions ahead in the form of a poem.

I’ve been meaning to tell you how I’m feeling lately,

Yet the words refuse to spill,

I must have aged a thousand years,

Living it alone,

What do I mean

When nothing is wrong

And life is fine

I’m so swamped in the perfect lie I’ve build for you to see

So when I want to turn back

And give it all up

You don’t get why

Take away the smiles,

And laughs,

Too hard to breathe,

I’m so tired

It’s the same old charade

Don’t hold your breath

I’m falling freestyle

My minds had enough

Legs trembling

Body weak

Falling,

Falling,

She lies on the floor

Still,

Yet free from memories.

What happens when the main source of pain is yourself,

The cause of anger is rooted deep in the past,

Your shameful mistakes tinged with regret now that times have changed,

Yet the memories don’t escape when sleep lulls you to fears,

And the tears oh they gush when everything goes wrong,

Your firewall hacked into,

Your mental barrier crashes,

You sit there, lie there,

Asking why

Why oh why do the tears not stop

Why oh why do you not give yourself up,

Up to the ones who will help you,

Barricade away,

Take in a shaky breath,

Wipe those salty tears away,

Those red dull eyes only reflect secrecy,

No pain no gain they say

But what a lie,

Breathe in breathe out

The intrusion is over 

And back I go to pretending everything is okay

. . . which it is.

It’s okay to be not okay. It’s okay to show someone you’re falling apart, and it’s also okay to find support from people other than family and friends. It’s okay to cry yourself to sleep, to feel alone despite being surrounded by people, to feel lost even though everything is going well and to feel waves of sadness.

But it’s not okay to be not okay alone, sufferring by yourself day after day because you deserve to smile a smile of joy, not one of pain. You are special and you are equally as important as anyone else in this world so please reach out today even if it’s to say hi, i need a hug today or whether it be calling or texting a helpline. 

Some battles are meant to be defeated together. So please, I know this is scary, open up to someone you trust.

*Virtual hug*