the irony of juxtapositions

Why do I feel so strong yet as if I’m about to break,

So alone yet I’m surrounded by clutter,

And as if I’m falling yet I haven’t jumped yet.

Why do I feel so terrified yet my mind copes with the fear,

So paranoid I’m not accepted but I tell myself I don’t care,

And as I’m floating yet I’m firmly seated to my chair,

Why do I feel like this?

Feel like I’m detached when I’m here,

Feel like people judge before they know,

That people hide and reveal what you know,

That no one cares to pick you up,

When you’re tumbling down a slope,

A slope that ends right where I stop,

Right where I stop telling you,

Telling you how I feel –

How I truly feel cause then you know my mind,

And once you know my mind,

You know the sun’s gone down,

You know I’m not what I pretend to feel,

You know I smile to erase the tears,

And I laugh to stop the screams,

You know I’m wired differently.

And I know you’ll change your mind,

Change your mind about who I really am,

And who I really was,

But that’s okay because I love the way I fool,

And hate the way you don’t see,

But who am I kidding,

I need a way out,

Out of lurking in my shadows and emerging for who I am.

This poem is dedicated to us when we fight battles alone, and we plaster on a smile to convince others that we are fine – that we are breezing along life when in reality all we want is a hug and someone to say, it’s going tough but you’ll get through it.

Because we will.

Whatever happens don’t let that spark of motivation and that flame of inspiration and determination to die out. Don’t let your doubts build the stronger tower of reasons why you’re not capable, why you’re not special or why you can’t do it. Instead let your doubts be the weak bridge you trample over as you clamber over hurdles; let it collapse into the hungry river of hardwork, grit and resilence. Watch it flow into a gushing stream of ambition. 

If people don’t appreciate the beauty of yourself being yourself, it’s time to wave bye bye and move on. Don’t hide what makes you you; be proud of the little quirks that make you unique. Likewise, don’t be scared to express your emotions if you’re feeling a little trembly, a little shaky or uncertain, maybe even a little lost with someone you know. Life is a massive park with more than one path. Sometimes we need a little help with navigating back to a steady path.  

Take a step out of the shadows of your fears, doubts, worries and show yourself what you can do. You only fail when you stop trying.  

This last thought is for you my friend. Take it, bow tie it and place it in your heart.

It’s going tough, but you’re hella determined, and hella hardworking, so spread your wings and fly my friend. You’ll get through it even if you have a few crash landings x

What are you going to overcome this week?