Feeling nothing is another way to describe how you don’t know where to begin explaining your complex emotions. When you begin to pick up on one emotion, it unravels into another until all you’re doing is jabbing at a poorly healed scab. A scab that now needs a band aid reapplied.
Nothingness is a feeling of defeat; the feeling when you’ve decided right I’ve had enough, I’m just going to allow myself to wallow in my feelings, rather than fight it daily, exhausting myself in the process. It can’t be examined or undermined. Neither over estimated or kept under control. The feeling of just blankness can retreat or spread out into the hours of the day, past dawn, into sunset, just like the unpredictably of a baby’s gurgling laughter. Except this feeling isn’t cute. It’s self destructive.
You’ve got to shake yourself out of it. You need to find something that will resuscitate you back from the nothingness. Something that makes you realise living life with all the conflicting emotions and dramas is worthwhile. That without it, you’re half as strong as you could be. The fight within you, makes you the warrior you are to be.
Find a passion – something that makes you smile even though you feel indifferent. Whether it be sitting by the coast, photography,drawing, writing, singing, dancing, riding in the woods or even stalking the sunset . . . find a way to loose yourself. Loose your nothingness. Let the passion be an escape from the nothingness to your real life, and let the nothingness be a fail safe plan when you need to shut down. Just occasionally.
Every second you spend wasting away in the zone of emptiness, that’s a moment of memories lost with loved ones. You’ve disconnected from your feelings, but also your loved ones.